It’s All Coming Back To Me

Now!

It's All Coming Back to Me-- Now!

Part of me feels as though I should be apologizing for my long-ish absence from this Blog, but without making any excuses or apologies, I can honestly say that Life has swept over me like a Tidal Wave these past couple of months. A Tsunami of Realization, of Awareness and Memory, of something resembling a Continuity that I wasn’t aware of having lost for nearly two decades. Is That all?

You’ve got to admit, sounds like some Heavy Stuff, and indeed it has been. I have been in a daze of mystified amazement during which I repeatedly muttered or exclaimed “I’ve had Amnesia” like some exaggerating soap opera actor. Mostly to myself, mind you, and those few who have at least an inkling of what I’m talking about. I’m not exaggerating, though, and the depth and breadth of the Memory that had eluded me for all these years, is staggering.

And as it unfolds, it wasn’t only myself who underwent this Memory Wipe, but an entire group of people at various stages of Ascension Process and Awakening. It appears that it occurred to one extent or the other in the several score individuals that I/We worked with from 1988 to 1999― what I called the Pentam Pattern. I say We because three of our household of four are now aware of this occurring. The fourth, my daughter was relatively young at that juncture, so it is hard to really say, though she does seem to have regained memories, as have we all, the past few weeks.

Puzzle Pieces

If you’re wondering how this can be, I’m certain you’re not alone. While I had forgotten a great deal, I was sent into the New Millennium with a Mission to complete, a task that required me to maintain a thread of at least vague continuity, and connection to my Higher Self guidance. I was like a sleep walker I See now. I completed these tasks, served as an Empathic healer for twenty years, and kept my link to Spirit, with almost no clue of what I was missing. The years preceding this Break in our Reality, were spread over with a framework of remembering that mostly worked well as long as one didn’t look too close.

My son and I would joke about the fact that I seemed to have a rather large blank space during his early childhood. I thought he was being a dramatic kid at ten or eleven when he had to write a paper on his younger years, and he made me pull out the box of school memorabilia I’d saved because he couldn’t remember. For myself, I didn’t dwell, because the memories I did have were not very happy, and I was aware still of having done much clearing in pursuit of my Spiritual Path.

Did I wonder why my spiritual progress was so slow and never as much as I thought it should be? Vaguely, but it’s hard to miss what you don’t recall. A few months ago, I had the urge to bring out a box of old channeled material and notes I had hauled through numerous life changes and relocations. Never having much spare time, I didn’t get around to looking at much of it for awhile. However, as my connection to my Guidance, to Source, became stronger, particularly following the summer Solstice, I began to read through some of it. Most of it was from the late 80s and early 90s. So, though I was puzzled somewhat by the seeming depth of my understanding of many esoteric subjects, and the complexity of some of these concepts, I only thought how long ago it was and no wonder things had slipped my mind.

As I dug deeper though, it nagged at me more and more. I was, I knew, in the most Spiritually Awakened point of any past I still remembered. And something started to seem Missing― was wrong from any direction I looked at it. It all seemed to come to a head when I gave my Son, who was by this time going through an Awakening process of his own, a paper I had done on the Qaballah and another on the Sons of Belial many years ago. He returned them to me, scratching his head and asking if I was sure I’d written them.

Had I? It occurred to me that I didn’t remember writing them, and the concepts exceeded anything I could readily grasp at present. However, I was certain that the Qaballah paper was mine. The other… Maybe Larry, the children’s father and the man I had spent much of the last 30 years with. He was a Channel of the Ascended Masters when I met him. But no, this wasn’t his. He did however, have copies of work and research done by both of us through the 1990s, on Energy Patterns, Esoterica and the Ascended Master Heirarchy. Like me, he hadn’t thought about this material for years, and couldn’t remember the last time he’d read any of it.

Where Did It Go?

As one computer was replaced over the years by another, and the world moved from floppy disc, to cds, memory sticks and and tiny cards. I had moved often also, and I lost a good deal of the earlier work I’d done along the way. Larry is more technically minded of us anyway, so he had copied from one format to another along the way. He made me a copy of all these many files, and I began to read. Initially, I was wondering when we had stopped doing these fascinating things, and why? Then shock set in, as I read the Warrior’s Journal, My Notes From God and the Goddess, that I had kept almost daily from 1996 through the early months of the year 2000.

This happened shortly before the fall Equinox. My Son, who by this time admitted to having his first Teacher and guide in energy realms, and I had a job to do. My connection to Source was becoming stronger with each and every day, and suddenly it all came together. It was like a physical blow at first. The sudden realization that a decade or more of my life had just disappeared, and that my Awareness had been virtually asleep for most of the past twenty years was traumatic.

Who Are We?

Memory returns, or more accurately, Awareness. The day to day memories are neither important or significant, but the Drama of what we achieved as a group working in Heightened Awareness in Higher Dimensional Energy Realms during that dozen years―the arduous completion of training and initiation As Shamans and Seers―are.

We were called the Forerunners. Our group entered into physical incarnation between the 1940s and the 1980s. Our job was to prepare the Earth, her Grid and the Worlds associated with same for Ascension. We are lightworkers, pattern makers, healers and teachers, and Warriors of the unknown. Someone had to go first. We were and are the Pentam Pattern. Our purpose was to establish a pattern for the formation of a Fifth Dimensional World, then to heal the rift between the two extant Universes ones on Earth have experienced, the Binary, that of Duality and Polarity and the Fall into the Third (and briefly 2nd) Dimension―and the more stable but still far from perfect Trinary Universe, that of the Divine Masculine and Feminine, and their Binder, the Dreamer (Father, Mother and the Holy Ghost).

During those years, Lightworkers began to Awaken around the globe, but we were spread so very thin that the workload was more than some could shoulder. While there was light and joy, there was more of sadness, pain and seemingly endless suffering. Ascension process is still difficult (though growing ever easier as more join the Awakened), but it was tantamount to impossible in those days, and yet the impossible was what we were sent to accomplish. By 1999, we had went through five cycles, trying different configurations and ideas each time, but still fell short of the ideal, of the perfection of unfoldment that was desired. And we were exhausted. As I have said, some had already left the Path, unable to muster that internal resilience it required in spades. They were magnificent, and their service will not go unrewarded.

Those that remained in 1999 most likely would have willingly embarked on another cycle, but it was too much to ask. The Ascended Master whose charges we were and those of us who were responsible for the Pattern, decided that a rest was in order. We dispersed, and we forgot (some slower than others, but it happened to us all).

Timing

Why now! Because we slept through the time that two other generations were coming into their own. The great Awakening that started slowly in 2012 is gaining momentum. I can close my eyes and see the lights of new souls around the world joining in this miracle of enlightenment and uplifting. We, the Pentam Pattern are awakening, and finishing the preparation of that Fifth Dimensional World to greet these brave pioneers. I think perhaps my Granddaughter summed it up in a conversation recently. She said that this wake-up was happening Now because I had to wait for she and the others of her generation to grow up. It rang True.

This generation was raised on a technology that blurs the lines between fantasy and reality, between dream and dreamer. They grew up without the rigid belief systems that defined the generations before them. Magic is more than just an idle imagining to them, and they don’t struggle to choose between It and Reason. Breaking the barriers of perception is no more of a challenge than a good video game.

Memory returns with every passing day, but I barely have time to catch my breath. We have so much work to do yet, so many projects to complete from all those years ago that are becoming no-time to us Now. Some wake up more swiftly than others. As my son said earlier this evening, how can it be a difficult choice? Though he hadn’t been more than thirteen or so when we “forgot” completely, like me, he never lost that longing for something more. He told me it’s the difference between being a Zombie, going through the motions of life for these last dozen or more years, and truly being Alive.

The world has shape and color and magic again, and we are Blessed.

It's all coming back to me Now!

Memory and Tradition on the Spiritual Quest

This is another of my posts from earlier blogs—This one from a year and a half ago, updated for inclusion here…

Honor Yesterday Without Hanging On

One of the first roadblocks you encounter as you embark on a serious Spiritual Path is the accumulated mental, emotional and physical baggage of your own past. There’s some nasty stuff lurking in that baggage, and Memory is the key that unlocks most of it. In the course of even the most seemingly benign life, huge amounts of emotional detritus, mental garbage, as well as physical angst and imbalance, are packed away to sneak up on you at the most inopportune times. Harboring the past can and does effect every aspect of life—it can keep you from happiness and contentment, cause mental or physical illness, and stop you from achieving your goals. So why do we hang on to these Memories? It is ingrained in us from birth. We get emotionally or intellectually involved in every minute detail of our life, and we don’t Let Go when the moment has passed. Instead, we judge others and ourselves, regret actions, feel guilt or try to impose it on those we think have “hurt” us. And hold on to it all till the bitter end.

It’s not just things we think of as bad or traumatic that we cling to either. Be it a feeling, a sensation or physical gratification, we seek not only to repeat the experience but to maintain it in memory. So, if ice cream is good occasionally…eat it every day. If that magical feeling of falling in love is your panacea…enter into a series of shallow and ultimately unfulfilling relationships to keep experiencing it. The list of things we do to feed our memory banks is endless. Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll! We are a race of sensation seekers.

Just as Memory is the minefield of Spiritual attainment, it can also serve as a valuable Tool. When a very powerful memory (you know the ones—complete with cinematic soundtrack and in Technicolor) arises to bring forth the set of negative or even positive emotions associated with it, the Seeker has the opportunity to look closely at it. It is important to discover what is at the roots of these strong feelings.When you do so, it is a chance to work all of the way through this emotional gestalt and to return the Energy you have tied up in this recall to the people, place and time it belongs in. Sounds simple! And yes, the principle is really that straightforward. It just isn’t always easy. However, if we Intend to progress on our Path, and to let go of the encumbrances of the past, it will occur.

Remember

While this process (I call it Clearing) may seem complete to you at some point, usually after a period of intense Self examination (I call it the roller coaster ride through Hell; it has also been likened to peeling the layers of an onion), it is really a lifelong commitment. We can get better and better at not clinging, but the very nature of material existence lets things get by us. 

Forget

Memories Without Anchors

You may wonder if I am saying dump all of your precious memories. Not at all. But if you undertake the process of Clearing the nature of Memory will change drastically. When the attached emotions and feelings are stripped away, the accumulated bits of your past do lose their vibrancy and film-like quality. They become more like paging through an album of still photos, flat and not imbued with lives of their own, but pleasant to visit once in a while and a shared foundation for interpersonal relationships. Also, these memories are potentially useful in healing work with those you share past associations with. What comes up often points out imbalances or conflicts that need to be addressed.  You may discover as well, that one or more persons who have shared what should be the same experiences, may remember them very differently, or not at all. Our continuity is a fragile thing. We do, whether we are aware or not, rewrite our history in subtle, or not so subtle ways, on an ongoing basis. 

Forgive

Tradition can be a way of maintaining continuity and connection with both the past and other people. However, it should be treated like our Memories, as something to be maintained only if and as long as it serves us. It should not be treated as a rigid or slavish adherence to forms that have lost meaning in our present situation, but as an organic Celebration of the important passages in life. I quite enjoy our traditional family celebrations. I am not a Christian, though my antecedents and some of my contemporaries were, and some still are, but I honor Christianity and many of its traditions and trappings. I love Christmas and Easter, and celebrate them with my less than traditional, in many cases, family. Our family traditions continue to change and evolve with time and circumstance though, and that is as it should be.

I think that when we begin treating Memory and Tradition like helium balloons—buoyant and ephemeral— rather than as anchors, trapping us in the thrall of the past, we begin to experience real freedom. We find ourselves greeting each moment and celebration as a new experience rather than as a chore or obligation.

Tradition

Wabi-Sabi

Reflecting on memory and tradition brought me back to another concept that I have been exploring just recently. It is the traditional Japanese aesthetic called Wabi-Sabi. I first encountered the concept while following up on some Trend forecasts. Being an Etsy online merchant and active through my shop and blogs on various Social Media, it behooves me to keep an eye on what is catching the mass consciousness attention. From a passing fascination with the contemporary expression of this very old idea, I found a much deeper interest in researching its origins and traditional meanings. 

In traditional Japanese aesthetics, Wabi-sabi is a world view centered on the acceptance of transience and imperfection. Characteristics of the wabi-sabi aesthetic include asymmetry, roughness, simplicity, economy, austerity, modesty, intimacy, and appreciation of the ingenuous integrity of natural objects and processes.

From Wikipedia

The concept derives from the Buddhist teaching regarding the Three Marks of Existence— Impermanence, Suffering and Emptiness (absence of Self-Nature). So, in essence, wabi-sabi can be described as beauty that is imperfect, impermanent and incomplete. The root words, Wabi and Sabi have apparently evolved over time. Wabi’s original meaning referred to the loneliness of living alone in nature, remote from society. Sabi meant lean or withered. More recent connotations for Wabi involve quiet, freshness and a rustic simplicity— Sabi is the beauty and serenity that comes with age; patina, wear and visible repair.

While for many centuries Wabi-Sabi incorporated artistic and Buddhist influences from China, over time it settled into a very distinctly Japanese ideal. Though the original influence of Wabi-Sabi was toward understanding emptiness and imperfection in regard to taking the first steps toward Enlightenment, in present day Japan, it is more often condensed into “wisdom in natural simplicity” or “flawed beauty”. To sum it up: Wabi-sabi is intuitive appreciation of the transient beauty in the physical world reflecting the irreversible flow of life in the spiritual world. It is an aesthetic sensibility that finds melancholic beauty in the impermanence of all things. ( Some information excerpted From: WABI-SABI and UNDERSTANDING JAPAN)

Abandoning Perfection

I find myself fascinated with the entire concept, both its traditional roots and its contemporary interpretation. Maybe a bit strange for a self-proclaimed perfectionist. However, If I have learned nothing else these past few years, it is that I have to Let Go. While I may dream of being the woman who can have it all—business, home, family, hobbies— shiny and perfect, the Truth is I can only do so much. I can try to have a magazine worthy home, but I have come to accept that this glossy perfection seldom extends far beyond the camera frame, and that it takes an enormous amount of time and energy to achieve. I’ve quit kicking myself for not Living up to my own unrealistic goals. Let Go and Let God is my philosophy these days. The more attuned I become with my Spiritual Being and my Higher Self Guidance, the less I worry about these transient things.

 Besides, I think I have reached a stage in life where I might very well be considered Wabi-Sabi! Blessings to All…

PinMe 🙂 

Memory and Tradition