Dealing with Madness and Insanity on the Spiritual Path
In the rather small circles of fellow Lightworkers I’ve been closely associated with, we often, over the years, discussed the bent of those who pursue Ascension Process toward mental instability. Additionally, my Guidance has supplied a good deal of information on this subject over the years. What follows are just a few excerpts:
These people very frequently fall prey to what the world at large defines as mental imbalance or disturbance. It seems that the extreme sensitivity required to espouse the Path of Ascension and become a Lightworker makes this predilection almost universal among them in one fashion or another. To pursue this Path at all requires that one take a stance that is “irrational” in regard to most prevalent paradigms, and Lightworkers are, to a man/woman, Mad as the Proverbial Hatter in “Alice in Wonderland”. The only trick to succeeding in this Quest toward the Light, is an ability which has also been bred into these incarnational vehicles (human forms). It is simply to discover their balance, to walk the Razor’s Edge of Madness without succumbing totally to the strong lure of absolute immersion in this “aberration”.
I have not kept up with this blog lately. Truthfully, my outer life is virtually on hold this summer. The energy flooding this world as it shifts toward an ever higher vibrational frequency—as She [Gaia] Ascends into a Fifth Dimensional reality— is flooding through me also. One of the earliest pieces of information I was given upon earnestly beginning my Spiritual Path so many years ago was that I was like a Transformer and Amplifier. I was and am capable of moving the energy from the Cosmos directly into the Earth or to other people or things it was directed toward. Through the years, my overall capacity to do so has increased as my physical form adapted to it.
Like many of those first wave Light Workers, spread so thin in decades past, my functions in this incarnation have been many and varied. “Not my Will, God, but Yours”. Myself, and a few others I know have always done whatever was required. At times like these when we are approaching the end of a Cycle [1999-2021], the energy ramps up and those who are capable are pushed to their limits Channeling it into place.
That has certainly been the case since early summer. The fact that my own unfoldment, after a long stint of immersion in deep Earth energies, has made considerable progress is also demanding. I will resume my Personal History series of articles for those few who may be interested soon. This chronology will go far in explaining how I come to be who and what I Am now.
As I explained in a recent post about the Kundalini Yoga practice I took up earlier this year, I experienced a spontaneous Kundalini Awakening years back. That, I suspect, was only one of a number of Gifts I was given by Spirit through the Ascended Masters at that time. I was helped, or pushed, in order to set me firmly upon my Path. It was part of an Activation of Light, I see now. At the time, I was not entirely certain what was happening to me—or Why it was happening.
Putting in the Work
My experience this time around is very different. Aside from the fact that I am considerably older and was not in a very fit physical state upon starting my yoga practice in late winter this year—this time around I sense that it is my turn to put in the work. I am earning each energetic step forward with considerable sweat and effort. Nothing is being done for me, and I hope to stand as an example, to create a pattern for those who are Seeking or Awakening now or in the near future.
Even though I was enthusiastic about my daily yoga sessions from the beginning, the truth is I could not fully achieve some of the asanas and kriyas at all. I have made a great deal of progress in these past six months or so. Although I am an impatient sort and wish to be further along, to be stronger and more capable, I understand the need to take this at a somewhat slower pace [most of the time].
I am currently responsible for a growing group of budding and potential Light Workers at various stages of Awakening and Consciousness. These range from others of the First Wave like myself, to Second Wave Light Workers, Starseeds here for specific purposes, and humans who are potential incarnational vehicles for other Ascended Beings who wish to come into the trenches in the near future, so to speak. By responsible for them, I mean that I have varying degrees of personal interaction with them all in the mundane world, and in my capacity as Teacher, Healer and Energy Worker, on more subtle levels.
They are a varied group. Some are nearing the end of their Service. Others are Awakening quickly while a good number of them are still mostly ignorant of what they are and what they are doing. The youngest among them, given a head start by being born directly into fifth dimensional incarnation are only potentials who’s service, if it occurs, lies in the future.
I serve in a variety of roles and modes with this group. One of my most important functions is to demonstrate Ascension Process in action. This would be a large order if I had not been through it all before. It’s said that practice makes perfect. I hope this is so.
Pearl of Great Price
Over the years of my struggle through the up and down landscape of the Spiritual Path, I have come to deeply understand many of the parables and stories in religious literature. At least in my mind, the Pearl of Great Price is that Spiritual attainment for which you pay all that you have and are. I do not say this lightly, for more than once I have been asked to, and have, given everything I thought was Self or held dear, in pursuit of Ascension. When first I started, it was no more than an idea that resonated deep within my Heart, yet I paid the price. And, I counted it then and do now as a bargain.
When we give ourselves to Service, to Love and to the Highest Power, we reap much more than we sow. It isn’t always immediately evident. Stripping away the artifice, the ego, our judgments and attachments leaves us raw and tender. That is when the Light can get in, when we can be flooded with new hope and infinite love.
Having been through this process three times before, it seems that I may be asked to do it once more. I will not say that I am not afraid on some deep level, but I am oh so willing. At a time when many of my contemporaries are contemplating retirement, I am ready to cast myself into a new mold provided by Spirit. I am in the midst of Reiki training, and if this body will serve me a bit longer I am thinking of becoming a yoga teacher.
My guidance whispers of a new business in the fresh model that is now appearing on this planet. I’ve been given the vision of a business devoted first and foremost to Seva, selfless service, and to serving a community of seekers and those in need of healing. I have seen a new chapter in my life, one where I interface personally with a large group rather than living in the rather austere and isolated manner of my past. I am ready!
Please feel free to comment or ask questions. I will do my best to reply to any serious inquiry.
(Excerpted and Updated Post from my original Blog—Written in October 2013)
Letting Go!
The original version of this post was published just about a year after I moved back to Florida from North Carolina. I think I was hoping that, having been here for a year (at that time), I would feel more settled. Instead, I was morose and depressed much of the time. When we moved, I believed that the change would jump-start my stagnant feeling life. Lots of things did change, but much still remained remained uncatalysed—was just the same old rut. I was seeking a direction, looking for a renewal of purpose to life, and every time I thought I’d figured it out, I seemed to be blocked.
Having voluntarily released the illusion of Free Willfairly early on my Spiritual Path, I was accustomed to having my wings clipped when I go on flights of fancy that don’t suit the purposes of the Higher Power that guides me. At that point though, I felt completely grounded. No matter which way I tried to go, I found myself right back where I started. I could do the day-to-day stuff, work around home, and basically fulfill all the obligations that life entails. Intermittently, I would work on my blog, the purpose of which continued to remain an enigma to me.
Counting Blessings—What an Awful Life (Awful or Awe-Full?)
During a recent meditation I was surprised to find myself reflecting on the word Awful (Awe Full). Like so many words we use without ever really thinking about them, this word originally had a very different definition. The archaic definition:
Somewhere along the line, the balance tipped and a word that began as being “filled with Awe” or Wonder became swallowed up by the Fear. Its connotations became almost universally negative.
As I considered the word twisting around in my consciousness, I determined that my life is indeed Awful these days. I am, as always, filled with Awe at the magnificence of the Creation we live within. Sadly, too often I am filled with fear and dread at the directions I so often see it going. To progress on any Spiritual Path, one must overcome that fear and dread. Not in the sense of defeating it, but from Rising above, seeing the bigger picture or plan, and releasing the limitations that fear always enforces.
One of my main objectives these days on my own Path is to release the lingering fear that is holding me back, and to once again experience the World filled with Awe and Wonder— to See the Awefull Truth of it all.
For today, I am offering up another edited post from my previous Blog that still holds great meaning for me…
Peace, Love and the Path to Enlightenment
Being at peace, finding contentment and following your Bliss are among the highest of spiritual ideals. They are wonderful states to contemplate. Just thinking in such terms evokes an emotional gestalt for me that I can only describe as “the warm fuzzies”. But practically speaking, is it likely that such states can be achieved and maintained in this frantic and chaotic world we inhabit?
There are tools like yoga and meditation that can help. There is Mindfulness—immersion in the present without the nagging voice of memory prattling in your ear. Neither will anticipation or anxiety about the future be distracting you. Nice when you can manage it, but often difficult in a world of deadlines and hectic schedules. Certainly, we all encounter people who are very “Spiritual“, who seemingly have it all together and just radiate their Love and Harmony to everyone they meet. Some of them are even genuine. More power to those few. Spiritual attainment is hard work. You can’t just meditate and think good thoughts.
More often, this Spiritual Realization comes as the result of years of effort. Undertaking the grave task of divesting oneself of the very human accouterments of greed, desire, selfishness and pettiness is required. So too is being willing to look back over life, to both release and heal all that has occurred in the past. All of this demands that we both See ourselves for all that we are and have been, and that we find it in us to forgive ourselves for same.
There are no magic shortcuts to Enlightenment, nor are there easy Paths to get there. You have only to look around though, to see that there are plenty of folks out there who would offer these very same to you. It is true, however, that nothing truly worth having comes easily or cheaply. So, if this Book or DVD, or that course and teacher promise to set you on a Path to Realization, what do you choose? Is it easy as that? In a consumption driven culture, are we able to purchase the Keys to the Kingdom with a credit card or PayPal account?
Umm! Useful tools perhaps. But if you show me an Online Shaman who can convey your Initiations to you with a Certificate after you pay her/him enough money, I will show you a freshly shorn sheep. Look in the mirror.
Each of us is ultimately left to discern for ourselves what Coin we are willing to spend, and indeed, whether we want this spiritual aspect of being enough to make the required sacrifices. The Secret masked by all of the religious and philosophical Mysteries throughout the ages, is not really a secret at all in my view. To embark upon a Path of spiritual attainment requires your Readiness for same. And, if you are Ready, your absolute and unwavering Intent that it be so. That is all. However, until you have reached that point, it all remains a great Mystery indeed.
Now, anyone reading this has no way of knowing whether I have a clue about what I am speaking of—or not. That is perfectly alright with me. I have nothing to gain by making any of these statements or postulations. I have been privileged, in the past, to attain some rather profound spiritual states and I am very much relieved that I am moving in those same directions again.
Making a Choice
Not that I ever ceased to struggle in these directions, mind you, but it has been a Struggle. More of one than I have been up for at some points. Life, with all of its insistent demands and cares too often keeps me mired in what I can only call Deep Earth Energies―not quite Hell, but this manifest world’s equivalent. I have known for a long while that it is Time for me to Seek the Light again, and I think perhaps I am supposed to take along any who care to follow in this instance. Having achieved certain levels of what I’ll call Enlightenment, not just once, but on several different occasions, there are those who may rightly wonder why I did not maintain that exalted state, and why I do not now consider myself in it.
I know a lot―about the processes involved in pursuing a spiritual path, about what sacrifices need to be made and how to go about making them. I am familiar with the need to maintain an outlook that is congruent with spiritual attainment. But for a long time I no longerKnewthese things. In other words, I lacked the Knowingness or Understanding that transforms mere information into Awareness and Transcendence.
In each instance that I reached one of these spiritual plateaus, I was given a choice. The choice is whether to continue along the Path, to become free of the need for incarnation in the physical form, or to go back into the World, to be plunged once more into the mundane and from that vantage, to assist others to heal and to move toward their own freedom from the mortal veil. Though I could often as not kick myself during the in between, there is no real choice. Once your Heart and Eyes are wide open, Service to Spirit is the only possible action.
Your Will, God, not mine…
In between these periods of Enlightenment―you Forget. You forget how to Be and you forget the reasons you are pursuing this Path. Awareness returns oh so slowly, and if you are not careful, you will be consumed by despair when you do begin to remember. Spirituality, like almost everything in life is not as straight line. In fact, it tends to be circular and cyclical. There are mountains and valleys, and when you walk through the Valley of the Shadow, it is very difficult to recall the view from those lofty peaks you have since quitted. I was mostly in one of those valleys for a number (about ten; a Decade) of years. There were intervals when I began to wonder if it would ever be Time to complete the climb again, and sometimes felt hopeless that it should ever occur. But I feel such stirrings in my Heart these days. The return of Memories long mourned has begun in earnest.
For a very long time, I Knew I needed to make changes— physically, mentally and emotionally. I would try, but seemed unable. Time and again I would realize that the Still, Small Voice was whispering to me. Learning to listen to Ones’ inner voice, or Higher Self if you like, is one of the most important facets of spiritual realization. I am quite accomplished at listening, though I also remain a master at avoidance when the mood is on me or if I don’t like what I Hear. Ultimately, true change comes when you are ready, without being forced or coerced. All that was really required was that I start listening, and quit judging myself when I couldn’t accomplish all that I thought I should.
What sort of changes do I need to make? Mostly ones that a great many people in our culture also need. More exercise―in my case, other than my usual activities, I have resumed a long interrupted practice of Yoga. And more Meditation time. Both of these things, while not required, facilitate spiritual growth as well as nurturing body and mind. Nutritionally, I have oftentimes fallen into bad habits over the past few years. I pretty much let my body have its own way. Like many others, it likes diet sodas, sugar and potato chips. Lucky for me, my body is also enamored of fruits, vegetables and not so fond of lots of refined grains, so it is not so great a challenge to make changes as it might be. In the past I have at times been vegetarian, vegan and even tried a macrobiotic diet for a short while. Do I think that is a necessity for someone pursuing spiritual growth? Not really, but if anyone is interested, I will perhaps discuss more on the subject at some later time.
I am doing an Awfully (definition: very or extremely) lot better these days. Change found me, and slowly I am feeling more Myself. No longer am I so tentatively resuming my Journey. Ultimately, it needs to be the right Time. We Seek because a Spark is ignited in our Heart that will not allow us to do otherwise. We follow the Path because to do aught else is a pain we cannot contemplate. I feel that call as I have not in many weary years. It may take me awhile to completely hit my stride, but I will follow. And if I can be of assistance to any others along that Way, it shall be my privilege and blessing to do so.
Follow Your Bliss!
“If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” ― Joseph Campbell
I recently realized that I’ve been blogging for seven years as of January 2020—my first attempts at this medium having been on a Blogger Blog called A Glitch in Time (Taken down several years ago). I started it shortly after coming back to Florida, having most recently resided in North Carolina for the better part of a decade. We relocated here in late October of 2012 and my first post on the blog was in January 2013. These have been busy eventful years, and the time has flown.
While my original blog covered all aspects of life— home, family, gardening, cooking, Florida history and my own roots. I often ventured into the territory of my Spiritual Path as well. For as many years as I can remember, this esoteric pursuit was the wellspring of my being. So, with the inception of UnSeeyn Reality, it is my intent to make something a bit different for this site. It is my plan, insofar as I have any, to cover lots of Spiritual territory and explore the different manifestations of the Planetary Awakening I’ve been involved in to varying degrees since 1987.
There was a time when I thought that perhaps I should avoid dwelling on Spirituality, and my sometimes controversial opinions and musings on same. I’ve come to the realization that the Spiritual Path lies at the core of all that I am and that was just Fear trying to rear its head. I can no more deny that essential part of myself than Not breathe. And now I feel called to begin exploring that aspect more fully.
The upshot of all this reflection, is that I saved a number of my more popular posts from A Glitch in Time Blog and I am updating and rewriting some of these posts to make them more relevant to where I am Now, and presenting them in this venue.
Here is an updated post from Summer 2013 that was called A New Day…
Playing It By Ear (The Songs in My Head)
Often, as I hurtle through these busy days, always rushing, and yet falling further behind each day—I find myself humming one old tune or another. There was a time in life when I successfully quieted the nagging inner dialoguethat is almost universally part of the human condition. This was accomplished through meditation and contemplation, and with consistently applied self-discipline. Over the course years though, it crept back and for a time seemed intent on running my life. That voice was back with a vengeance, and the only way I seemed able to keep it at bay was to let the Music that lives in my busy mind, play.
I am much more adept at quieting the dialogue these days, once more able to find the silence out of which growth and understanding can occur, but still too often distracted. So, I often hum as I go about my daily business. Over the course of several decades, I have acquired a rather immense library of familiar and dearly loved tunes. This is not something I think about. Songs, some I may not have heard in many years, are just there.
At times it is the full experience—lyrics, tune and even the approximate year and the band who recorded it. Other times a tune will worry around my mind, and I am unable to let it go until I can recall the words that go along with it. In those instances, Google is a wonderful tool. Mostly though, the music merely serves as a backdrop to my daily activities. Sometimes, some trick of the senses—sight, smell, or even touch—brings a particular piece of music to mind. When this occurs, I often become aware that the music, the particular song I am hearing in my head, is a Message. I have come to Know that Spirit (God, All-That-Is, The Source) sometimes has to find other means of speaking to us when we get so busy and involved that we ignore or under-nurture our Spiritual sides.
Such seemed to be the case as I gazed out the window early one morning while I waited for the coffee to brew. The sky was, simply put, beautiful. Mornings at our former rural home were often lovely, but that day was magnificent. As an old Cat Stevens (Yusuf Islam) song I had not heard in years began to wind softly through my consciousness, I shook off my morning torpor and ran to get my camera.
Morning has broken, like the first morning
Early morning looking across the pasture out front toward imminent sunrise.
How exhilarating it is to venture out early and greet the day. In the days that followed that one, this tune was often in my mind. Is there a message there? I think maybe the answer is yes. Morning has broken— that could just be an archaic way of saying that it is past dawn. Or, it could be a more personal communication to a woman whose favorite time of day was once morning.
Now, if I do sleep decently, I still rise grudgingly, wincing at the aches and pains the night seems to inevitably bring. Even once up, I don’t court wakefulness. All that accomplishes is to remind me of the endless list of tasks that need to be attended to. Too often, I cling to my grogginess and more often than not miss the beauty and grandeur of the early day. I am doing ever so much better these days, but I do still have a very long way to go. I exist all too often in a sort of busy void, neither particularly happy or unhappy, but preoccupied and rather unfocused a good deal of the time. I am quite certain that I am being nudged though, to wake back up to a greater Reality, to Seeand toBreathe in Life rather than just getting through it.
“Praise for the singing, praise for the morning. Praise for the springing fresh from the word.”
Remembering the Words to That Tune
Since I first wrote these words, my entire life has Transformed. Instead of just thinking about doing yoga and meditating, I do both now. My ability to channel or connect with Ascended Beings, nearly non-existent for close to a decade has returned strongly. Such are the intricacies and ups and downs, of the Ascension Path, that one must constantly adapt to whatever level of attunement is available. Messages come to us from Spirit in a hundred ways, through synchrony and serendipity, numbers on a clock, in nature, or through a song stuck suddenly in our head. The trick is to learn to listen and observe, to remain Mindful. And to be ready when that precious opportunity Knocks.
Do you ever feel like Don Quixote, tilting at metaphorical windmills? Too often, we can feel that trying to be equal to the task that is life is just such a futile act. That was me before I began my Spiritual Journey. It changed my life, gave me back hope and and purpose, and sometimes Joy and Bliss.
I spoke before of quieting the Inner Dialogue, that running conversation we all carry on with ourselves in order to assure that we are We, that reason and consciousness are firmly in control. What a load of bull our Egos insist on feeding us. We long for that quiet place inside, for Truth and the opportunity to experience what each of us truly are. Until we can embrace this mass of contradictions that has become the me being experienced just now, moving forward will continue at a snail’s pace.We cannot become the truth of what we are until we can accept ourselves and forgive ourselves right Now.
In earlier times, this Spiritual progress came no easier or more quickly, but having already run this particular course, I am afraid that my impatience is showing. During that long ago spiritual quest, it took me months of meditation before I one day realized that I had finally achieved that long sought inner silence, and as soon as I realized it, it of course ended quite abruptly. (The need to “think” about what I had accomplished defeated it completely.) But I kept at it. The intervals of peace grew more common and lasted longer, and I found out that what fills the Silence is ever so much better than that which we manufacture to hide from it. In silence, we learn to speak with, rather than at, God.
Lest I forget, quelling the inner dialogue and achieving Silence was and is, only the first step in a Process. you can spend years learning, healing, releasing the past, and evolving through a series of internal initiations. And it is true that it is difficult, that you suffer physically, emotionally and mentally, but it is the only road worth taking in my view.
Would I do anything differently if I could Reel in the Years(Steely Dan) and start again?Quite simply— No. I may sometimes wish returning to that exalted and ecstatic state that is variously called Nirvana, Transcendence, Samādhi or Enlightenment was easy as clicking my heels together and being transported Home, but anything worth doing once is no doubt even more rewarding the second time around.
For me, ultimately, though I may kick and scream as I go, there is only God’s Will, the Path that Spirit has set for me. In the meanwhile, I will just let the music keep playing in my head. There are so many songs that mean so much, so many that speak to me on levels I cannot reach otherwise just now. Time after Time (Cyndi Lauper).
Baby Steps
I have made a great deal of progress in the years since I first wrote most of this. Not in huge strides mind you, but I am willing to accept Baby Steps. I am re-Learning Patience and Acceptance. No longer do I rail against my lot in life, and my outlook is in general a lot sunnier. I’ve rediscovered that elusive Inner Peace, if only briefly, from time to time.
